Poke Battles
by ChaosRocket
Summary: Parody of the original Star Wars trilogy featuring the Pokemon characters. Palletshipping, Rocketshipping and other surprise pairings.
1. Episode IV: A New Hope

AN: Not one of my better fics, but I actually really like the ending for some reason.

* * *

Background:

Long ago, a young girl named Amidelia Ketchum was queen of the planet of Naboorina. When her planet fell under attack by the evil Trade Federation, she saved it with the help of two brave Pokemon Masters, a hilarious and lovable alien named Jar Jar Binks, and a young boy named Anakin Bikehopper. She and Anni fell in love. Many things happened. Anakin fought bravely against Mewtwo in the Clone Wars. Eventually, Amidelia gave birth to twins. But she had to hide them from Anakin, because he had turned to the dark side...

000

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

Poke Battles

Episode IV: A New Hope

It is a period of civil war. Rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil Rocket Gang. During the battle, Rebel spies managed to steal secret plans to the Rockets' ultimate weapon, the DEATH STARMIE, an armored space station with enough power to destroy an entire planet. Pursued by the Rockets' sinister agents, Princess Misteia races home aboard her starship, custodian of the stolen plans that can save her people and restore freedom to the galaxy...

000

Princess Misteia's ship was attacked by the Rockets. She and her Pokemon were taken captive, and all others aboard were killed. Only two Pokemon got away in an escape pod.

They landed on the harsh desert planet of Mewtwooine, where they were captured by the Jawa-E-Puffs, a race of Pokemon who survived in the unforgiving environment by collecting stray Pokemon and selling them to local farmers.

Ash Bikehopper lived on Mewtwooine with his Uncle Mime and Aunt Jynx. He worked on their moisture farm all of his days, but he had dreams of one day leaving to begin his Pokemon journey.

This day, however, Ash and his uncle were going to buy some Pokemon from the Jawa-E-Puffs to help out on the farm. As they approached the line of Pokemon for sale, a strange one shaped like a trash can said, "Gonk, gonk, gonk!" Ash and his uncle weren't interested in that one, though. They needed a translator.

"Hey, Uncle, what about that yellowish one and that other one with the dome-shaped top?" Ash suggested.

The yellowish one spoke up.

"If you have need of an interpreter, then I'm the Pokemon for you! I am Meowth. I can speak the languages of Pokemon and humans all over the galaxy! I suggest you also take my counterpart here, Togepi."

He pointed to the one with the rounded top.

"Okay, we'll take these. Come on, you two," Ash said.

His uncle paid and they took the Pokemon home. Ash began to clean off the dust and sand they had collected. Togepi had something stuck under his shell. When Ash finally managed to pry it out, a hologram appeared. It was of a young woman with her hair bunched up in a weird style on the side of her head.

"Help me, O-Bill Wan KePoke, you're my only hope," the image said.

"Hey, who is she? Play the whole message!" Ash exclaimed.

"Togebrriii!"

"He says he's the property of an O-Bill Wan KePoke, and it's a private message for him," Meowth translated. Just then, Ash's aunt called him to dinner, so he left Meowth to try to convince Togepi to play the entire message.

At dinner, Ash told his uncle he suspected that their Pokemon might be stolen and explained how Togepi claimed to be the property of O-Bill Wan KePoke.

"I wonder if he means old Bill, the Pokemaniac?" Ash said.

Mr. Mime said, "Mime, ..." [translation] "That Bill's just a crazy old man. He's never owned any Pokemon. He just liked to study them, and he had some weird sexual fetish where he liked to dress up as them. Tomorrow we'll take the Pokemon into town to Drowzee and have them hypnotized so that their memories are erased, and that'll be the end of it. They belong to us now."

"But what if that O-Bill Wan comes looking for them?" asked Ash.

"He won't. I don't think he exists any more. He died about the same time as your father," Mr. Mime said.

"He knew my father?!" Ash asked in surprise.

"I told you to forget it!" Mr. Mime said angrily.

Ash spoke up again. "Yeah, I think those new Pokemon are gonna work out just fine. And since you'll have the extra help around here, I was thinking I could begin my Pokemon journey this year."

"But, Ash," Mr. Mime said, "You can't leave before the harvest. That's when I need you the most. Besides, you're not ready. You hardly know anything about Pokemon. You still need to use your Pokedex to identify even the most common Pokemon, and you never even try to catch any."

"But I have a Crystal Badge from the Mewtwooine gym already!" Ash said defensively.

"You didn't actually earn that badge in a battle," Mr. Mime pointed out. "The gym leader just gave it to you as thanks for saving her dehydrated Pokemon by giving her some of the water from our farm."

Ash got up and stormed out.

"Where are you going?" asked his aunt.

"Looks like I'm going nowhere!" he yelled.

"Mr. Mime, he can't stay here forever. Most of his friends have gone. Remember, Gary Carswerver left last season to begin his Pokemon journey," Jynx reasoned.

"I'll make it up to him next year," said Mr. Mime.

When Ash went to look in on their new Pokemon, he discovered that Togepi was missing! It was too dark to look for him that night, so the next day Ash set off on his bike with Meowth to look.

They did find Togepi, but then they were attacked by vicious Sand Shrews! Luckily, an old man scared the Shrews off and came to Ash's aid. Ash realized that it was old Bill, the Pokemaniac. He told him of how Togepi kept insisting that he was the property of an O-Bill Wan KePoke.

"Do you know what he's talking about?" Ash asked.

"O-Bill Wan KePoke," Bill said thoughtfully, "Now there's a name I haven't heard in a long time."

"My uncle said he was dead," Ash told him.

"Oh, he's not dead. Not yet, anyway," Bill said.

"So, you do know him!" Ash exclaimed.

"Know him? He's me! But I haven't gone by the name O-Bill Wan since before you were born."

"So, the Pokemon do belong to you, then," Ash realized.

"I don't seem to remember owning any Pokemon. Let's take them back to my place and see what we can find out."

Meowth had been hurt by the Sand Shrews, but luckily, O-Bill Wan had some potion back at his place. Bill told of how Ash's father had been a Pokemon Master. Then, he gave Ash a gift from his father.

"What's this?" Ash asked.

"It's a Master Ball, a special Pokeball used by Pokemon Masters. Your father wanted you to have it when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn't allow it. He was afraid you'd follow old O-Bill Wan on some fool journey like your father did."

"How did my father die?" Ash wanted to know.

"A man named Darth Vanni helped to hunt down and destroy all the Pokemon Masters. He betrayed and murdered your father. Vanni was a student of mine at one time. I even gave him his starter Pokemon. But then he was seduced by the dark side of The Force," Bill explained.

"What's The Force?"

"The Force is what gives a Master his power. It flows through all living creatures and binds together humans and Pokemon all over the galaxy," Bill told him.

Then Bill wanted to try to check out why Togepi was convinced he was the property of Bill. Suddenly, Togepi played back the holographic message in its entirety. It was Princess Misteia, asking Bill to help her by bringing Togepi and the vital information contained inside his shell to her father on her home planet of Arcaran, so that the rebellion against the Rockets could continue.

"You must learn about The Force, if you're to go to Arcaran with me," Bill said.

Ash said he couldn't go, though. He needed to stay with his aunt and uncle. Bill said that Ash had to do what he felt was right.

Bill went with Ash back to his house. But, when they got there, they discovered that the Rocket Gang had blown up Ash's home and blasted Jynx and Mr. Mime to bits. ESPECIALLY Mr. Mime.

Chaos: (laughs manically)

So, with no reason left to stay on Mewtwooine, Ash decided to go with Bill.

They met a pilot at a bar that said he'd fly them to Arcaran-for a price.

"What did you say your name was?" Ash asked the pilot.

"Brock Solo," the pilot told him.

"Uhh, why is your name Brock SOLO?" Ash inquired.

"Because I'm always SOLO! Alone! Rejected by all women..." Brock continued to sob and whine.

"Umm, OK, well, what's the name of your first mate here?" Ash asked, trying to change the subject.

"Oh, that's Todbacca," Brock said.

"Tobacco? I could use a cigarette..." said Bill.

"No, no, TODbacca, not tobacco. He's..." Brock broke off.

"Waaarrrreeeeerrrrr!" Todbacca howled.

"Uh, what did he say?" asked Ash.

"He said, 'I like to take pictures of Pokemon.' That's all he EVER says."

"I'm sorry." And Ash DID feel sorry for him.

000

On the Death Starmie, Darth Vanni held Misteia and her Pokemon as prisoners. He tried to convince her to reveal to him the location of the rebel base.

"I will beat and torture your Psyduck if you do not tell me!" Vanni threatened. For some reason, this strategy failed to work.

000

On Mewtwooine, they prepared to go to Arcaran. Brock was happy to get this job, because he owed a lot of money to Richie the Hutt, whom he smuggled for. After a little battle with some Rocket troops, the three humans, two Pokemon and one THING were on their way in Brock Solo's space ship, the Millennium Fearrow.

Up in space, they had even more trouble with the Rockets, but luckily, Brock escaped them.

As they flew through space, Bill tried to teach Ash to use The Force to understand Pokemon better and win Pokemon battles. Soon, they reached the place that Arcaran was supposed to be. But it wasn't there! It had been blown away by the Rockets. All they saw was what looked like a small moon. They soon realized, though, that it was no moon. It was a battle station! The Death Starmie! They tried to turn around, but were pulled inside of it by the tractor beam!

Once inside the battle station, they hid in their ship to avoid detection. Then they stole some Rockets' uniforms and disguised themselves. They ventured out. O-Bill Wan went to shut down the tractor beam so they could escape. The others were just going to wait in hiding, but then Togepi sensed that Mistiea was aboard as a prisoner. Brock, in hopes of finally getting some if he actually saved a girl's life, agreed to help Ash rescue her. After many adventures too tiresome to recount here, they saved her and made it back to the ship.

O-Bill Wan had managed to shut down the tractor beam, but he had also run in to Darth Vanni. Vanni challenged him to a Pokemon battle. Bill accepted.

Vanni chose a Persian to begin the battle.

Unfortunately, Bill suddenly remembered that he hadn't trained any Pokemon in a long time. The only Pokemon he owned now were stone drawings, which weren't very helpful in a battle. And so, Bill was defeated. Even worse, Bill now remembered that the last Pokemon he had caught, back in his youth, was Missing No., so now that he was defeated, all his saved data was lost and he was unable to continue. He disappeared.

Ash was upset, but they had to move on. They got in the ship and headed for the rebel base. The Rockets had put a homing device on their ship to track them, though. The Death Starmie followed them to the rebel base.

Back at base, Mistiea refused to sleep with Brock, so he left to go pay Richie the Hutt the money he owed. Ash and the rest of the pilots prepared to attack the weakness of the Death Starmie that the rebel leader had uncovered using the plans in Togepi.

They couldn't use large ships to attack because then they would be easy targets. Instead, they rode on the backs of swift, hard to hit Dragonites. Many pilots died in the mission. But in the end, Ash used The Force to communicate effectively with his Dragonite and aim his Hyper Beam in the correct spot to blow up the Death Starmie. He couldn't have done it without Brock Solo, though, who came back to help him after realizing that there were plenty of women in the Rebellion whom he hadn't asked for a date yet. The Zapados which was carrying Darth Vanni on its back was sent spinning off into space by Brock's Millennium Fearrow. And so, the Death Starmie exploded. Only one escape pod was safely jettisoned from it. All the others on board died.

Inside the escape pod, a young man commented to a young woman that he'd never realized until now how awful the Rockets really were. She agreed and suggested they join the rebellion.

"But, how will we find them?" he asked.

000

The Rebels celebrated the destruction of the Death Starmie. Ash and Brock were given medals by Princess Misteia. Score one for the Rebellion.

000

Narrator: Who was in that escape pod? Will Brock ever get some? Will Jesse and James show up? Will Team Twerp blast off? To find out, tune in to the next episode....


	2. Episode V: The Rocket Gang Strikes Back

Poke Battles

Episode V: The Rocket Gang Strikes Back

It is a dark time for the Rebellion. Although the Death Starmie has been destroyed, Rocket Troops have driven the Rebel forces from their hidden base and pursued them across the galaxy. Evading the dreaded Rocket starfleet, a band of freedom fighters lead by Ash Bikehopper has established a new secret base on the remote ice world of Venohoth. The evil lord Darth Vanni, obsessed with finding young Bikehopper, has dispatched thousands of remote probes into the far reaches of space.

000

Ash, Brock, Misteia and Todbacca were all on the Rebel base. One day, Ash was out searching for life forms and was attacked by a vicious Pokemon, the likes of which he had never seen before. He escaped, but was too weak to walk. As he lay in the snow, freezing, he saw a vision of Bill, telling him he must go to the Dextobah system and find Professor Yoaka to get his starter Pokemon. He then passed out.

Brock, thinking that rescuing Ash might impress the ladies, went out to look for him. He found him and saved him, but the girls of the rebellion still refused to give him any loving.

The next day, Brock shot a Kabuto in his sexual frustration.

000

On a Rocket Gang ship, an indigo haired man looked excitedly at a screen. "One of the Kabutos we sent out to look for the rebel base was shot!"

A girl with bright red hair walked up. "That doesn't mean anything. It could be anyone who shot it. We have thousands of probe Kabutos. If we checked out every lead..."

Just then, Darth Vanni walked up. The indigo haired man told him what he'd found.

"That is the system. They are there. Set your course for Venohoth immediately," Vanni commanded.

000

The Rebels realized that the Rockets were coming, so they began evacuation, but they weren't quick enough to escape before the Rockets arrived. They were attacked by Rocket walkers and ships. The Rebels successfully battled the Rockets. Ash escaped in a ship with Togepi. Brock, Todbacca and Misteia escaped with Meowth in the Millennium Fearrow. But, they were followed by two people in a Rocket Gang fighter...

Inside the fighter were the two people- the indigo haired man and the red haired woman.

"Jess, that was a great plan to keep working for the Rockets for a while so that we could use them to find the freedom fighters so that we could join the Rebellion."

"Why are you explaining to me what my plan was? I already know what it was, I'm the one who made it up! Remember, James?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry," James said.

As the Millennium Fearrow flew through space, Jesse and James landed their small fighter on top of it, got out, and climbed into a porthole in the top of the Fearrow.

When they entered, they saw that Todbacca was piloting and Misteia and Brock were fighting.

"Misteia, why can't we have sex? I saved you, you owe me!" Brock yelled.

"I told you NO, you freak!" Mistiea screamed.

"Is it because of Ash? Look, I've got some news for you, he doesn't like you!"

"YES HE DOES!" Mistiea shrieked, punching her Psyduck in frustration.

Todbacca helpfully pointed out that he liked to take pictures of Pokemon.

"Oh yeah? Well I shot FIRST!" yelled Brock.

"What the hell are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything?" Mistiea yelled back.

Todbacca then mentioned that he liked to take pictures of Pokemon.

Jesse and James watched these events with contempt.

"If this is who's leading the Rebellion, no wonder they're in retreat!" Jesse exclaimed.

"We could handle things better than these three losers!" James said.

Jesse and James jumped out to show themselves.

"Prepare for trouble!"

"Yes, and make it double!"

"Who are YOU?" asked Brock and Mistiea in unison.

"I am James Duo, and we're taking over this Rebellion. You guys couldn't rebel against a dress code!"

"Well, I'm Princess Misteia, and I DESERVE to lead this Rebellion. I'm the princess of Arcaran! Royalty!"

"So you're the brat who stole my rightful place at the throne!" Jesse said in surprise.

"Wha--"

"I'm Jesse, but you might better know me as Princess Jesseia! I'm the REAL princess of Arcaran; you were adopted!"

"I know I was adopted! It's not my fault you ran away after you THOUGHT your mom was dead!" Mistiea said.

"Look, I'm taking over this rebellion, AND I'm taking back my rightful title as Princess of Arcaran!" Jesse proclaimed.

"But, Arcaran blew up. It's gone. You'll have nothing to rule," Misteia pointed out.

"Don't bother me with your picky details!" Jesse snapped.

At that point, Meowth broke in. "You know, you two are right about these three dorks. Let's get rid of them."

"But how?" asked James.

"There's an old legend," Meowth began, "that says that whenever anything is stupid, you do an old disco dance called the robot dance, and the stupidity goes away. The story goes that there was once a young girl named RED. She was in a boring math class where everyone would make fun of her if she got a problem wrong. One day, the teacher made everyone play a dumb math game. RED was supposed to do a problem on the board. But instead, she did the robot dance. The teacher asked if she was OK, and she said no. The teacher then asked if she needed to go to the nurse's office, and she said yes. So she never had to do the problem on the board, and spent the rest of the class period napping on a cot. She got away from stupidity with the robot dance!"

Author's note: This legend is true.

"Well, I don't think it will work, but I guess we can try. Show us how to do the dance," James said.

Meowth began moving his arms and upper body in jerky motions. Jesse and James followed suit.

"Hey!" Mistiea said. "Look at that planet we're flying over! I think that's where my real parents come from!"

Brock looked out the window. "Hey, I heard there are a lot of hot chicks on that planet!"

"Waaeeeerrrr!" Todbacca said, meaning, "I heard there are some good Pokemon to take pictures of down there!"

"Well, let's go!" Mistiea said.

The three got into an escape pod and jettisoned it in the direction of the planet.

"Looks like Team Twerp is blasting off again!" Mistiea and Brock yelled on their way down.

And so, Jess and James took over the controls of the ship.

"That's a great dance!" said James. "It really works!"

"I know!" said Meowth.

000

Meanwhile, on the Rocket Gang ship, Darth Vanni spoke with the Emperor, whose face could not be seen. Vanni was instructed to find Ash, and to try to turn him to the Dark Side. Vanni was sure that Ash would meet back up with whoever was in the Millennium Fearrow ship, so he sent out his best team to track them.

A girl with strawberry blonde hair and a young man with aqua hair got into a fighter together and went to find the Fearrow. Little did they know, they were being followed by a mysterious redheaded spy.

"There they are, Butch!" the strawberry blonde said.

"OK, Cassidy, let's get them!" the man with aqua hair said.

000

On the Millennium Fearrow, Jesse and James realized they were being followed. James took the controls.

"I'll shift into hyperdrive! Here we go!" he said.

But nothing happened.

"What's wrong?" asked Jesse. "Make the jump to 99% of light speed!"

Narrator: 99% of light speed?

Chaos: Yeah, according to the theory of relativity it is impossible to reach the speed of light because it would take an infinite amount of energy to propel you.

Narrator: Sorry I asked...

Chaos: Hey, remember what RED did to the LAST narrator who complained!

Narrator: Oh, yeah, I'll shut up.

"The hyperdrive must be broken!" James shouted.

So, James decided to navigate straight into an asteroid field.

"They'd be crazy to follow us, wouldn't they?" James reasoned.

"But," said Meowth, "the odds of successfully navigating an asteroid field are approximately 3,720 to 1!"

"Never tell me the odds."

So, the Fearrow flew into the asteroid field, and the ships following them were smart enough not to follow. After dodging many asteroids, James landed in a cave on a particularly large asteroid. Meowth got to work fixing the hyperdrive.

The ship lurched suddenly, and Jesse fell into James' lap. James had had enough of this constant unresolved romantic tension between them, and in a rare moment of assertiveness said, "You want me, don't you?"

"You?" Jesse said contemptuously. "No! You're a wimp!"

"I think you like me because I'm a wimp," James said. "There haven't been enough wimps in your life."

They kissed then, and just as the kiss was getting good, Meowth broke in with news about the hyper drive.

"Gee, thanks," James said sarcastically.

They soon found that Zubats were attached to the ship, so they had to go outside and knock them off. The ground lurched again while they were out there, and James realized something.

"Everyone get back in the ship!" he yelled.

They got back in and took off, even though he hyper drive wasn't fixed yet.

"The cave's collapsing!" Jesse yelled, alarmed.

"It's no cave," James said.

It turned out that the whole time they had been in the stomach of a giant Diglett!

Clear of the asteroid field now, James checked the instruments.

"Hey, we're near the planet of Cloystercaunt! An old friend of mine, Mondo Calrissian, lives there! That's where we can land to get this ship repaired!"

So, they headed for Cloystercaunt.

000

Ash was supposed to rendez-vous with the others, but he realized that "rendez-vous" was a french word meaning "date", and he certainly didn't want any form of date with Mistiea. Also, he remembered his vision telling him to go to the Dextobah system.

So, Ash found the system and ended up crash landing on a swampy planet. He began looking for Professor Yoaka. What he found, though, was a very old man who seemed crazy. The old man wanted to play with Ash's hat. Togepi tried to keep it away from him, but the man just hit Togepi's hard outer shell with a stick until Ash said, "Oh, let him have it, Togepi!"

The old man said he could help Ash, but Ash said he didn't think so.

"I'm looking for a great warrior," Ash said.

"Wars not make one great," the old man rightfully pointed out.

"Well, I'm looking for a Poke Master," Ash clarified.

"Ah, you seek Yoaka!" the old man said. "Take you to him, I will."

Surprised but happy, Ash followed the old man to the small cave that was his home. The old man insisted they eat before he took Ash to Yoaka. Ash soon became frustrated that they were wasting their time.

Just then, Ash's rival, whom he used to be best friends with, walked in.

"Grandfather!" Gary Carswerver exclaimed.

"If he's your grandfather, that must mean...Yoaka!?!" Ash realized.

"It figures a loser like you wouldn't even know a great Poke Master when he saw him," Gary taunted.

Ash fell to the ground in defeat and almost began to cry. Gary's insults always hurt his feelings so much!

"I'm glad to see you, Gary," Yoaka said. "Now, I have two people to train to become Poke Masters. Come with me, both of you, to get your starter Pokemon. But, Ash, you must learn patience."

"Yes, Master Yoaka," Ash said.

And, so, Ash was given a Pikachu, and Gary got an Eevee. Gary and Ash battled each other and trained.

Ash was slow to catch on, though. Yoaka let Ash borrow a Drowzee of his and instructed him to use the Drowzee's psychic powers to lift Ash's ship out of the swamp that he had crashed it into. Ash couldn't do it, though. He felt it was impossible. Yoaka took the Drowzee back and successfully used it to get the ship out.

"I don't believe it!" Ash said in surprise.

"That," Yoaka said sadly, "is why you fail."

Gary was doing well, though, until he suddenly got a vision that his friends were in trouble.

"I just saw them!" Gary said. "The two Rockets who spared me and saved me from the other Rockets when Mewtwooine was attacked! They were in a city in the clouds. They were in pain. I have to go to them and help them like they helped me!"

Yoaka disapproved of Gary leaving before his training was complete, but Gary was insistent.

"I'm going, too!" Ash said.

"I can't take this loser with me!" Gary yelled.

"I'm not a loser..." Ash said quietly, tears in his eyes.

"If you are to go," said Yoaka, "you must take him with you. I just can't take any more of a trainer who tries to use an electric type to fight a rock type."

"Well, I guess I have no choice, I have to save my friends. Come on, Ash," said Gary.

So, Ash, Gary, Togepi, Pikachu and Eevee set off.

000

Meanwhile, Jesse, James and Meowth had landed on Cloystercaunt. Mondo welcomed James and flirted with Jesse.

Unfortunately, Butch and Cassidy had found out where Jesse and James were going and they had reported it to Vanni. Because of this information, Vanni had sent many troops to take over the planet and force Mondo to set a trap for the passengers of the Millennium Fearrow.

Mondo told Jesse, James and Meowth that they were invited to dinner. But when they got to the dining hall, only Darth Vanni was there. He captured them and put them in a cell. Mondo came and tried to apologize, but they were understandably unreceptive.

Vanni knew that the captain of the ship owed a lot of money to Richie the Hutt, so he promised to turn him over to Butch and Cassidy, as a reward for finding the passengers of the Fearrow. Butch and Cassidy planned to hand over Brock to a friend of theirs who was a bounty hunter. The bounty hunter would be rewarded greatly by Richie for bringing him in.

Butch came to the prison that held the three and grabbed James and took him to the bounty hunter.

"Here's your smuggler," he said.

"Yeah," said Cass. "We want our half of the money you promised to give us up front."

"You fools!" the bounty hunter yelled at Butch and Cassidy. "This isn't Brock! Isn't this one of the members of your own Rocket Gang who defected?!"

"Oh, yeah...I thought he looked kinda familiar..." Butch said.

Darth Vanni walked up. "Look, my plan is to freeze Ash in carbonite when I finally catch him, and I need someone to test the procedure on to make sure it's safe. Since you don't need this man, I will use him for my experiment."

"HEY!" said James. "You can't do this to me!"

"Why not?" asked Vanni. "I do remember you, now! You deserted us, and you've obviously sided with the rebels! Why shouldn't I freeze you?"

"Well...uh..." James said.

"STOP!" The mysterious redheaded spy who had been following Butch and Cassidy suddenly burst into the room.

"Don't freeze him! I have something that will make you ALL very happy," the redhead said.

"Jessebelle, it's you!" James exclaimed.

Jessebelle brought out a prisoner that she had.

"It's Tracey!" said the bounty hunter in surprise. "Richie is offering an even bigger reward for him than for Brock Solo!"

"You can freeze him and then give him to Richie!" Jessebelle said.

"What do you ask in return?" Vanni queried suspiciously.

"Only that you turn James over to me," she said.

"Done!" said Vanni. "Let's freeze Tracey."

"What if he doesn't survive the freezing process? He's no good to me dead," said the bounty hunter.

"I'll reimburse you," promised Vanni.

"I like to draw pictures of Pokemon," Tracey said.

"Are you related to Todbacca?" James asked.

They got Jesse and Meowth out of their cell so that they could watch Tracey being frozen in carbonite. Tracey survived and was turned over to the bounty hunter. Then, James was turned over to Jessebelle.

"I love you!" Jesse said as Jessebelle dragged James away onto her ship.

"I know," said James.

Vanni planned to take Jesse and Meowth back to the Rocket Gang base with him.

"Hey!" said Mondo. "I thought the deal was that I got custody of Jesse and Meowth!"

"That was before I knew that my own Rocket troops were on the ship. Obviously, Jesse goes back with me," Vanni said.

"I thought we had a deal," Mondo said defiantly.

"I am altering it. Pray I don't alter it any further," Vanni said.

"This deal is getting worse all the time," Mondo said quietly.

Just when Vanni thought his plan to catch Ash would surely fail, Ash and Gary appeared. Vanni didn't know why Ash had shown up, but it didn't matter. He finally had Ash right where he wanted him.

In the commotion, Mondo helped Jesse and Meowth to sneak away and take off in the Fearrow. Mondo hoped his men had fixed its hyper drive.

Unaware that his Rocket members were escaping with Mondo, Vanni invited Ash to come to his ship for a Pokemon battle. Ash recognized Vanni as the man who had killed his father, and so he agreed to the Pokemon battle.

Ash sent out his Pikachu to battle Darth Vanni's Persian. Pikachu won, but then Vanni sent out his Rhydon. Since Rhydon is a rock type, Pikachu's electric attacks wouldn't work, but Ash still had not grasped this concept.

"Pikachu, Thundershock! If you just use enough electric current, we can beat him!"

Pikachu was very weak. Ash was about to lose.

"Do you give up yet?" asked Vanni. "You must turn to the Dark side. It is much more powerful. Join me."

"Never! You killed my father!" Ash yelled.

"Ash, I AM your father."

"No..." Ash whispered.

"I can see you know it is the truth. Join me and we will rule the universe together as father and son," Vanni offered.

"I'll never join you!" Ash said.

"Then you will DIE!" Vanni told him.

Vanni prepared to send his Rhydon to tackle both Ash and Pikachu and send them flying off of a ledge.

Just then, an Eevee jumped out and used its sand attack on the Rhydon. Rhydon's accuracy was impaired, and its tackle missed. Rhydon accidentally sent itself flying off the ledge.

"What the-" Vanni said in surprise.

"I am Gary Carswerver, grandson of Yoaka! Don't mess with the Light side of the force!"

"Why you little-" Vanni started. Instead of finishing, Vanni sent out his most powerful Pokemon, Mewtwo.

Mewtwo used its psychic attack on Gary and Eevee, knocking them out.

Ash ran to Gary and put his arms around him. "Gary! Are you all right?"

Gary lay unconscious.

"Pikachu, I know you're tired, but I really need you now! Thundershock that Mewtwo!" Ash commanded.

Pikachu did as he was told, and, since by some mix up Ash had apparently gotten a level 600 Pikachu with electric attacks that were more powerful than any normal Pokemon's, Mewtwo fell.

Darth Vanni was so suprised, it gave Ash time to grab Gary and Eevee and escape. Vanni came to his senses and chased them, but they jumped down a chute and slid to the bottom of the ship. They ended up hanging from a thin pole on the underside of the ship.

On the Fearrow, just as they were about to escape the city, Jesse said they had to go back. She sensed her old friend, the boy she had saved when the Rockets attacked Mewtwooine, was in trouble.

They flew the Fearrow to where Ash and Gary hung. Ash jumped into the top of the ship with Gary and the Pokemon. They were safe, and now the Fearrow made the jump to 99% of light speed, and they left Cloystercaunt. A Chansey healed Gary, Eevee and Pikachu.

"Gary, you used your Eevee to save me from Vanni," Ash said gratefully.

"Oh, well, uh, I was just...trying to defend the Light side of the force, you know," Gary said hastily. "But, uh, thanks for saving me and Eevee back there and getting us off the ship. I guess maybe you're not a TOTAL loser."

"Wow, thanks," Ash beamed.

Just then, Jesse walked in.

"And you!" said Gary. "You've saved me for a second time now! How can I ever repay you?"

"You can help me rescue my partner, James," Jesse said. "He was taken hostage by a woman named Jessebelle. We have to find him."

"Don't worry, we'll rescue him! I'm the greatest Pokemon trainer there is!" Gary was confident in his abilities.

Mondo walked in. "We'll all help you."

"Yeah!" agreed Ash.

So, they all flew off to go try to rescue James from Jessebelle.

Narrator: Will they rescue James? Who is the bounty hunter? To find out, make sure to tune in next time...


	3. Episode VI: Return of the Poke Masters

Poke Battles

Episode VI: Return of the Poke Masters

Gary Carswerver has returned to his home planet of Mewtwooine in an attempt to rescue his friend James Duo from the clutches of the vile spy, Jessebelle. Little does Gary know that the ROCKET GANG has secretly begun construction on a new armored space station even more powerful than the first dreaded Death Starmie. When completed, this ultimate weapon will spell certain doom for the small band of rebels struggling to restore freedom to the galaxy.

000

The Rocket Gang wanted to capture Pikachu, since he was Ash's Pokemon. Jessebelle knew this to be true, and so she wanted Pikachu for herself. If she could capture the little rodent, and accomplish what James' old gang couldn't, maybe he would love her. She sent her now-friend, the bounty hunter, out to hunt for Pikachu. She was too busy 'disciplining' James to look herself.

Jesse heard of the hunt for Pikachu and came up with a plan. She disguised herself and took Pikachu to Jessebelle's place.

"I have come for the bounty on this Pokemon," Jesse said.

Jessebelle was pleased, and paid her the reward. She threw Pikachu into a cell.

Now inside Jessebelle's mansion, Jesse went to look for James. She found him tied up, his body covered in whip marks. She swiftly released him, and took off her disguise.

"Jesse, I knew you'd come to save me!"

They kissed.

But then, Jessebelle appeared! She had seen the whole thing!

Jessebelle threw Jesse into the cell with Pikachu, and tied James up near her so that she could keep an eye on him.

Jessebelle didn't know, though, that one of her faithful guards was actually Mondo, a friend of Jesse and James! Mondo had been pretending to be a guard as part of a plan to rescue James. She also didn't know that Ash and Gary had a plan to rescue their friends...

Ash and Gary used their Pokemon to battle their way past the guards into Jessebelle's mansion. They tried to bargain with her for the release of Pikachu, James and Jesse, but she refused.

Instead, she sentenced Jesse, Pikachu, Ash and Gary to be executed. They were to be thrown into the pit of eternal despair, where they would be forced to listen to songs by the Back Street Boys for 1,000 years.

A speeder took the condemned, bound hand and foot, to the pit. The bounty hunter was on the speeder with them, along with many guards. Jessebelle watched from a window. James was tied up on a leash beside her. Mondo also stood beside her, still disguised as a guard.

Luckily, Gary had the Pokeball which contained his Eevee hidden on him. As they were about to be pushed into the pit, Gary called out Eevee. Eevee broke the bonds of Pikachu, Gary and Ash with her bite attack. Pikachu and Eevee attacked the guards.

The bounty hunter discarded the helmet, for a better view to fight. Pink loops of hair were revealed. The woman let out a battle cry and attacked Pikachu with her bare hands. Pikachu thundershocked her and sent her flying. Eevee used tackle and sent several guards tumbling into the pit of despair.

Inside the mansion, James began strangling Jessebelle with the leash that she had used to tie him up. She was choking.

"Stop, James!" said Mondo.

James looked at Mondo like he was crazy, but paused.

"I've spent time being Jessebelle's guard, and I see good in her. She's just a lonely girl. She's also very beautiful, and...I think I've fallen in love with her!" Mondo confessed.

Jessebelle got stars in her eyes. James loosened his grip on her.

"Oh, I never thought anyone would care for me! I know now that it's wrong to try to force someone to love you...and Jesse must love you a lot, James, to risk her life to save you...I'm sorry for everything!" Jessebelle pleaded.

James didn't want to trust her, but Mondo talked him into it. James let go of Jessebelle, and she freed him from his bonds. Then, Jessebelle and Mondo kissed.

"I'd be dead if it weren't for you!" She said to Mondo.

Out on the speeder, all the guards were defeated. Gary, Ash and their Pokemon went inside to get James and Mondo. Mondo promised to come back for Jessebelle when he was done with his mission for the rebellion.

Meowth and Togepi were waiting for them in the Fearrow. Jesse and James got into the pilots' seats and took off. They made the jump to 99% of light speed and headed for the Rebel base.

"Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!" Jesse and James yelled.

"I'll blast off YOUR rocket, Gary..." Ash said under his breath.

Narrator: Oh, now THAT was uncalled for!

"Wha???" said Gary.

"Oh, uh, nothing," said Ash.

Gary didn't think much about it, because he had more important things on his mind. He needed to go see Professor Yoaka to complete his training before he helped the Rebels blow up the new Death Starmie.

He set off for the Dextobah system. Ash came with him. But, when they got there, they found that Yoaka was very sick. He admitted to Ash that Darth Vanni really was his father. Gary was shocked by this revelation. Then, Yoaka said that the boys' training was already complete.

"Nothing more can I teach you," he said, and then he died.

The spirit of Bill came to tell Ash that he had to face his father. Ash agreed, and he and Gary set off for the Rebel base.

The Rebels planned to go to a small moon called Ekandor, where the station that generated the shield for the Death Starmie was. They would deactivate the shield, and then destroy the unprotected Death Starmie.

Jesse, James, Gary, Ash, Meowth, Pikachu, Togepi and Eevee went to try to deactivate the shield. Mondo was piloting one of the ships in the fleet that was to destroy the Death Starmie once the shield was down. On the moon, the group had some trouble with the Rockets, but they escaped. Unfortunately, they lost track of Jesse in the process.

They soon stumbled upon a tribe of adorable creatures called Growlwoks, who were convinced that Meowth, being a talking Pokemon, was their god. They took the group back to their village, where they found Jesse! She had made friends with one of the Growlwoks by saving it from a Rocket member. Meowth used his divine influence to convince the Growlwoks to help them. They planned to attack the shield generator together.

Ash had to go find his father, though. Gary protectively insisted on going with him. Ash believed that there was still some good in his father. When they found Vanni, Ash tired to turn him to the Light side. Vanni wouldn't turn, though, and brought the boys to see the Emperor.

The Emperor lowered the hood to reveal bright blue hair.

"Emperor Jenny, I have brought you the Poke Masters," Vanni said.

Jenny knew that if she could make the boys hateful enough to fight she and Vanni, they would be turned to the Dark side. She told them of how their friends were being set up and that their Rebellion would fail.

Ash began battling his father, using a Growlwok he had caught on Ekandor. But he realized that using Pokemon in personal fights was disrespectful to the Pokemon, and that this was a fight that no one could win. If he fought Vanni, he would be on the Dark side. So he stopped the battle. Jenny disapproved, and went to kill Ash with her police taser.

"If you will not turn, you will die!" she told him.

But Vanni couldn't let his own son be killed. Vanni picked up Jenny. Jenny shocked him with her taser, but he wouldn't let go. He threw her down a large pit, and she died.

Gary breathed a sigh of relief. Vanni had been hurt by Jenny's taser, though, and he was dying. Ash had a heartfelt conversation with him before he passed on. Vanni told Ash that he had been right about there still being good in him. Then, he died. Ash was very sad, but they had important things to do. He and Gary headed back to Ekandor.

On Ekandor, the Rebels, with the help of the Growlwoks, defeated the Rocket guards and blew up the shield generator. Mondo got the signal that the shield was down, and he and the other Rebels destroyed the Death Starmie. The Rockets' rein of terror had ended. The Rebels went to the Growlwok village to celebrate. There was a big party. Jesse and James kissed and hugged.

"Oh, find a room!" yelled Mondo, probably just mad because he missed Jessebelle. He would go back to her, soon.

"Fine, we WILL find a room!" Jesse said, dragging James by the hand.

They came to a room, but through the door they heard two people inside making-well-sexual noises.

"Oh, no, Gary, please don't stop..."

"Only if you act like a Pikachu..."

"Ack!" Jesse and James said together, and ran off to find a different room.

Narrator: Ugghhhh....I think that may have been worse than the rocket thing...

Chaos: You know, you have to have seen "Riddle Me This" to get that one...

Later, at the party, the spirits of Bill, Anakin, and Yoaka watched with pride. Everyone danced and sang, and the Growlwoks played music. Freedom had been restored to the galaxy.

000

Epilogue:

In the end, only two Rocket Gang members were left alive.

Butch: Everyone said we were crazy to build a Death Starmie when there were rebels around. But we built it anyway! The rebels blew it up. So we built another Death Starmie! The rebels blew that one up, too. So we built a THIRD Death Starmie! That one burned down, fell over, and then the rebels blew it up. So we built a FOURTH Death Starmie! And that one stayed up! And that's what you're getting...

Cassidy: Uh, Butch, we never built a third OR a fourth Death Starmie, and Chaos is NOT doing Monty Python in this fic!

Butch: Oh yeah...well, uh, on with the epilogue!

000

Butch and Cassidy got married.

Jesse and James got married and lived happily ever after.

Ash and Gary got married, because in their galaxy, homosexual marriages are legal.

RED: I'm moving to that galaxy.

Chaos: Maybe someday we'll live in a free country, RED.

RED: Not likely.

Chaos: Have hope.

Jessebelle and Mondo got married.

Misteia realized how badly she sucked and took her own life.

Todbacca married Richie the Hutt.

Meowth and Pikachu got married.

Brock married Togepi.

THE END

000

The Cast:

Ash Ketchum as "Ash Bikehopper" (Luke Skywalker)

Gary Oak as "Gary Carswerver" (2nd Luke)

Misty as "Princess Misteia" (Princess Leia)

Bill the Pokemaniac as "O-Bill-Wan KePoke" (Obe Wan Kenobe)

Brock as "Brock Solo" (Han Solo)

Jesse as "Princess Jesseia" (replacement Leia)

James as "James Duo" (replacement Han)

Todd as "Todbacca" (Chewbacca)

Meowth as himself (C-3PO)

Togepi as himself (R2-D2)

Pikachu as himself (Ash's lightsaber)

Eevee as herself (Gary's lightsaber)

Mondo as "Mondo Calrissian" (Lando Calrissian)

Richie as "Richie the Hutt" (Jabba the Hutt)

Officer Jenny as "Emperor Jenny" (The Emperor)

Nurse Joy as "Joyba Fett" (Boba Fett)

Jessebelle as "Jessebelle the spy" (replacement Jabba)

Butch and Cassidy as Rocket Gang members (members of the Empire)

Jigglypuffs as "Jawa-E-Puffs" (Jawas)

Growlithes as "Growlwoks" (Ewoks)

Sandshrews as "Sand Shrews" (Sand People)

Giovanni as "Darth Vanni" (Darth Vader)

Persian as himself (Vanni's lightsaber)

Proffesor Oak as "Proffesor Yoaka" (Yoda)

Delia Ketchum as "Amidelia Ketchum" (Queen Amidala)

Mr. Mime as "Uncle Mime" (Uncle Owen)

Jynx as "Aunt Jynx" (Aunt Buru)

The Gonk Robot as itself


End file.
